What I really think…

I hate incest.
I don’t want my son to know this man because what’s the point? I knew him for a few years before I found out and it’s really messed with my head. Why put my son through the trauma? He deserves to live an incest free life.

People in that family are judging my actions because in a way they feel judged.
I don’t care what other people do, but for me I have made my decision to cut my son off from his other grandparents because I am worried about what effect this will have on him when he’s older. Sure Mr Y will not molest him because he’s a boy and now everything is out in the open. But what’s the point of my son developing a close relationship with a child rapist.
“because he’s the grandfather,” just doesn’t cut it.

Also I don’t have the Christian framework to forgive everyone, even people who disgust me. Anyway, I think it’s God’s role to forgive not mine. I don’t have to hate him, but I don’t have to embrace him and visit him every week or month.

I suppose I also judge the parents who have decided to live next door to them even though the mother is completely freaked out. Sure they are in a bad financial situation but they don’t have to live in such an established suburb. I live in an ok area where rent is 2/3 of where it is where they live. Maybe they’ve been so dependent on them for so long they don’t know how to break free. Maybe they are waiting for him to die before it really messes with their heads. It’s not healthy.

My baby’s birthday is early next month. I’m not sure what to do. My husband still wants his parents to be able to see him. I feel creeped out by it. I know nothing will happen to him, but I have too few hours in the day to be put in the uncomfortable position of having to see Mr and Mrs Y. I don’t want my husband taking my son up there alone. Even if it’s a public space. Mr Y is so dominant he will demand to hold my son like he used to before I found out.
I used to think, harmless old chauvanistic man who loves his grandson, why not.

Now I think why.

I will come back here to download my thoughts. If I don’t it’s probably because I’m not burdened by incest thoughts.
And that’s a good day…

But it does my head in. Why are people who say, “No it’s wrong. It was really disgusting. I can’t be near this” considered angry people who don’t understand?

Surely raping a child is criminal?? Just because that child manages to piece together a life and feels she has to return to the fold…oh it just confuses me. The family confuses me. Do they all suffer from Stockholm Syndrome?